Monday, July 4, 2011

It's a heartache... A lovesick man..

Hey Dolls,
Hope you are all well and had a great weekend.
Now this blog is slightly different.
I recieved an email from an annon reader who wanted some help and advice regarding his love life and the girl he is in love with. I have written back to him and given him my advice but I think it would be great for more of my readers to get involved and add points of view. Please leave your comments below or email

Here is his story:

Dear Little Miss Vak

I wanted to share an honest story with your readers and get some feedback and advice. I believe men are misunderstood and that we tend not to give ourselves a good image. I hope my tale will rewrite yours and other people’s opinions of men. We have emotions and sometimes we are big enough to admit and then attempt to correct our errors. This is a love story, but unlike most, it’s yet to realise its happy ending…

Men are often perceived to be prats and we are. We make mistakes and we do things we regret. However, recognising we’ve made a mistake and trying to right the wrong is seemingly rare. I however am trying to correct past mistakes and write a better future for myself and for someone whom I dearly love.

Early this year I was living the dream, I had a girlfriend who loved me as much as I loved her. Things really couldn’t have been better but I let one tiny tiny thing get to me and before I knew it, I’d ended the best relationship I had ever had. What a fool I was. In truth, I probably knew only a few weeks after I’d ended it that I’d made the wrong decision but I didn’t want to admit that to anyone, least of all myself. After all, men can’t be seen to make errors can they?!

The weeks and slowly the months ticked on by. Nothing changed for me; other girls didn’t interest me at all, what was the point when there was only one person on my mind? Still, I couldn’t face up to that. I’m a man, I can’t find fault in anything I do.

Finally, a month ago a light-bulb clicked on in my head. I hadmade a huge error and let the most incredible person go unnecessarily from my life. Trouble was I’d not seen her now for close to three months and we’d rarely spoken. I firmly believe it is never too lateto say sorry and attempt to rectify a situation though.It had taken me too long to realise I was a fool but I had to tell her how I felt. I had to tell her I wanted her back in my life. If she loved me as much as I thought she did then somewhere deep in her heart she’d be able to realise the same feelings I feel now still exist inside of her despite the months of torture that she’d no doubt suffered attempting to move on from me – something she was reluctant to do.

So I plucked up the courage and I told her exactly how I felt, not missing out a single detail. I’m not expecting to jump back into the deep end immediately; it takes time and patience for these things to work. I’d hurt her badly and I had no right to think that I deserved a second chance. However she’s as honest and forgiving as anyone I know – like I said, she’s incredibly special. She’s admitted to me that in her heart somewhere she knows she wants to be back with me but her head is too scared to face that reality.

It’s normal for her to feel scared having been told it was over but then months later be told that actually that was a mistake. However, I won’t hurt her. I couldn’t hurt her again and she has to believe in me. I felt scared merely admitting how I felt to myself but figured I had to do this. It scares me to admit this but it’s not just these next few weeks and months I’m hoping to change, but given how good what we had was, I want to change my life by doingthis.

Luckily we’ve spent some time together lately and unsurprisingly we still get on so well, there’s obvious chemistry. I just need her now to look into her heart and let herself realise her true feelings like I have – I even burst out crying in front of her recently as I tried to explain to her what she means to me. She knows I’m not joking and she can see how important she is in my life. It took me months to realise I had made a mistake; I hope she realises that we’re right for each before months have further elapsed.

Right now I must be patient and let this takes as long as it takes. I can’t begin to explain how hard that is though. Men are impatient, we want instant answers so this is arguably my hardest test. She’s single and whilst it hurts me to think that she may go out and fool around with other guys whilst telling me that I still mean something to her, she’s entitled to do that. However if she wants this to work one would hope that she wouldn’t be with random men anymore – I can’t ask that of her but she can only do that for herself. It won’t work if she continues as a fully-fledged single lady. Everyone has desires and needs – myself included, but my physical urges have been and still are on hold, I’m waiting for her. I hope that soon she will want me again and not Mr Random.

Your readers must understand how much she means to me and just how good we were together. It’s so rare in life you meet someone special and it’s all too easy to suggest that one should never go back on the past however this is different. This is about love not two young people wanting just simply to fool around. Given that men are strong and emotionless, how often could a guy admit to crying in front of a girl because he’s so overwhelmed by the emotions that she evokes?

My request is simple, that she’s honest with herself and allows herself to relax and be loved again (providing she wants that). If she’s not honest with herself she’ll always be scared and we’ll never know what could have been. I believe that she would one day soon like to be back with me but I fear she’ll not let herself be loved again. Everyone likes to be loved, neither she nor I are any different. Not that long ago we used to regularly tell each other how much we loved one another – those strong feelings do not just disappear. I hope that in a year we’ll be able to look back at this and laugh – it’s one of those key moments in life where you know you’re making a decision now that can positively influence your entire future.

Life’s all about risks and gambles. I’ve put myself in a position where I could easily be hurt but because I know that there’s a chance things will work out perfectly it’s worth that risk. I hope she can take these same risks and gambles I have. One kiss may tell her everything she needs to know – those feelings of old may just need to be coaxed out with that most simple of moments when two foreign lips meet. She once loved me and I believe she still does. Despite it still being the early days, it’s timefor her to be brave and overcome her fears – the sooner she can do that, the sooner that my pain and anxiety will be distinguished and the sooner she’ll be loved again and back in the most amazing of relationships.

So, Little Miss Vak, what would you and your readers do or what advice would they give to me or her? It’s no surprise that people who know us have said that we’re meant to be together, that we’re perfect for each other. In the grand scheme of life we’ve had a minor blip and we’ll be stronger as a couple for this; after all, no couple go through life without having to cross a hurdle. I’ve learnt my lessons and will never let her go again, no chance.

Time and patience are the key factors here but in the short-term I hope she can loosen up, take a (100% safe) gamble on me and be true to her heart. If she can’t do that then this may not work and if this isn’t going to work I need to know sooner rather than later as forgiving myself for my errors in the past won’t be easy.

Remember, not all men are bad. Not all guys want to simply get into a woman’s pants – there are some of us who have feelings and emotions, one of which is the ability to love someone else. I am big enough to admit my errors and importantly I’m trying to correct them – it is never too late. We can’t change the past, so it’s time for me and her to write our new, better future, the one I know we both want.


An anonymous lovesick man.